A Mississippi preacher a few years ago said that anything that brings you closer to God is a blessing. I’ve never looked at the word (world) the same since. And when people say children are a blessing I couldn’t agree more.
God and I have gotten real tight. I just thought I leaned on Him before. Having a child is truly a miraculous blessed thing. As my mother in law says in her Steel Magnolia Mississippi drawl – “there’s nothing like it.”
At four in the morning it’s just me, Wilder and the good Lord. (And thanks to my iPhone, some Joyce Meyer to read and Facebook stalking and sometimes Pinterest and blogging. I digress.)
Before I became pregnant I was already worried about how much I would be worried when I got pregnant. I nearly needed a tranquilizer during my sister’s 40 weeks of pregnancy the year before. (So much so that I went to Arkansas a week early for fear I wouldn’t be there for her during the labor. Although exactly what I thought I could do for her escapes me. And then when my sweet sassy niece was born I would stand over her pack n play in a panic to ensure she was breathing. The day I left I cried and felt a new kind of sorrow I didn’t know existed. Then I worried from seven hours away.) And so I feared greatly how I could ever handle my own pregnancy and fresh new baby. Prayer.
I prayed for the year and a half after we ‘pulled the goalie’ as my friend would say. And then when I learned I was pregnant I prayed and prayed that I would not let my anxieties snuff out this beautiful blessing. I was also pretty sure I would have post partum depression. And so I prayed some more. The more I prayed the more I realized I should be asking for nothing more than to feel what was already living in me – the peace of Christ. His strength. His presence.
Just after Wilder was born and my sister with the baby headed back home to Arkansas, she sent me a devotional (when she thinks it applies to me or my other sister she takes a pic of the page with her iPhone and sends it) that I read many a late night. The gist of it was that when we imagine the future we often fail to see God with us in it. I never realized how often I envisioned an upcoming potential (imaginary) trial without Him. It’s all I ever did really. Before Wilder was born I went through an illness for a few years that I realized at some point was a blessing. It was during that experience that I began to understand that peace was not based on circumstance but on my reliance on Him. And that asking for a blessing doesn’t mean getting something that’s super easy and completely fun (although sometimes blessings are just that). But that God blesses each of us in just the way we need. And that He is ever present.
A page from Jesus Calling. I strongly recommend everyone on the planet give it a read. There’s even a nifty iPhone app for it that’s perfect for those late night marathon nursing sessions.